A song came on the radio as I was driving into Canyonlands: Trouble, by Coldplay. Whenever I hear that song I think of Tracy. It was my ringtone for her, though she was anything but. It was a private joke, and when she heard it, she'd laugh and laugh, and what a laugh it was. There was mid-western girl in it, there was big hearted love and joy in it. How I miss it, everytime I hear that song.
She never made it to Canyonlands while she was alive, but she did today. Given her love for shade, I've taken to finding small trees where I think she'd be happy. I found two such trees today, and I think she'd approve.
Before she died I was too busy with the logistics and pushing the inevitable out of my mind to truly prepare for it. What a mistake it was. There were words unsaid, and things undone, and now in these moments they flood back to me.
What I'd give to hear that merry laugh again.